Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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