i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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