Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
