If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
