so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
