That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have post one night stand depression
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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