I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
