I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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