dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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