I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
