Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
