If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I see more hoeing in ur future
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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