somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
