I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
