Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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