He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
