tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
