woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
