Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
