I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
