Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
