I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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