alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
