I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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