Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
