The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
