It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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