Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she peed on how many people?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
