So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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