I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
