bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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