if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
