My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
