dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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