I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
