Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
