Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
