her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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