apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
