you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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