I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Found the puke drawer
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
