This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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