the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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