Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My penis needs a shock collar
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
