you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
