Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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