You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
