Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
