i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
