that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
