So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
